Back after a long break

Damn. damn. damn.

Never claim to be smart, it'll only end in tears.

I'm gonna be honest here, I'm not expecting anyone to be reading this....why would you?
I mean, all I am to you is words on a screen, nothing more.
Of course, any one who does read this is gonna be saying "If no one is reading then who the hell are you talking too?"
And; you know what?..........I dunno

I admit, I'm mainly using this thing to vent about my life. In a place where no one knows me, what do I have to lose?
Maybe if Im lucky, someone who feels the same as me in some points will catch it and leave a comment, maybe not.......but whatever

This originally started as a college project, now it really is my blog.

Now that thats all out of the way lets talk about family. Specifically parents.

If you are a teenager or were any kind of kid, your parents probably did a few things that drove you crazy....probably still are.

I just got that.........see I'm nineteen, I'm self consious to an extreme so I don't go out much.......admitedly, I spend a lot of my time playing video games but I would go out more and socialize if there was actually anything to do where I live, but there isn't....at least, not for me... the only thing in this place is the skate park and I'm not really interested in skateboarding.

I've beent trying to find a job but so far, no luck........speaking of which, have you ever tried to find a job.......looked up all the different places, checked the job centre and everything, and then have your parents turn around and say that the only reason you're unemployed is because you're not really trying?

I get that a lot...I'll admit that it infuriates me to the point I want to punch a wall or somthing.
They honestly think that all I do every day is sit and play games all day long.

I guess I just wish I could move out and get on with my life.. but I'd need a job to be able to afford it.......typical.

You know, I understand that there is a lot wrong with me.... but I also know that A lot of my confidence would grow if my mother said to me , just once "I know that you'll be able to make it on your own, I'm proud of you"

Thats a long ways away from "I love you, but you're a spoiled little bastard who hasn't grown up since the day he was sixteen".........but hey; all I can do is dream right?

Delays and Detours

Sometimes things just can't go according to plan; others, well what can I say?
what do I have to say about the things that go correctly? Absolutely nothing, after all what can I say if everything goes as planned?

However, lets talk detours; something that cant be helped even though no one really wants them at the start. You're going down the road that is your life then, bang. Dead End. You're left wondering "what the hell just happened?"

My friend, you've just hit a detour, and now your spinning out of control wondering where your path is.........problem is; detours often lead to crossroads, and we all know what those are like.

The trick is though, don't try and take control when you are still spinning, sounds obvious I know, but trust me you would be surprised how many forget in a panic. That just makes matters worse because then you're not just spinning out of control......you're pretending that you know what you're doing too, which makes it your problem when you slam into a wall at top speed.

I say this for the benefit of all who read, and as a constant remainder to myself, I've just recently recovered from attempting to take control of my life when it spun......I managed to stop inches from the wall, but I know that I will probably never be that lucky again.

I'm learning to count my blessings........this was definitely one of my biggest ones.

Aftermath

Well, I made a choice. No opition but to keep going on the path I chose.
It's too early to say whether or not it was the right one, maybe there was no right or wrong in this one.......just another one of lifes trials.
Things are begining to go back to the normal speed they were at now, somtimes I stop and look around at the people closest to me and I think "do they even know the cataclysm I just avoided?"

I chose the path that I felt was "me". If you can't be youself then who can you be? I may have got some people upset, but so was I. Its just a part of life.

E.E Cummings once said
"To be yourself in a world that is trying its best, night and day, to change you into someone else is the hardest battle anyone can fight, and keep fighting"

How true....

Suspended Time

Well, here we go. I've made a choice, picked a path and now its doing the whole action film thing....everything slows down.

It's like watching a train wreck but I'm the only one that knows whats going on, the only person that can see it. This was bound to happen, It was the only option I had was to decide when it was going to happen. All I can really do now is stop, stare and hope that there isn't a collision and if there is.....Lets see what I can salvage from the wreckage.